Four o'Clock in the Morning...

Here I am, sitting on my couch, in my living room, unable to get back to sleep. I spent a little time walking around outside (mostly to get my laptop out of my car) and happened to glance up at the sky, as is often my wont when I'm up here in the woods. It's something I miss in Santa Clara. You can't really see the stars down there. There's too much light, too much smog...too much. There's something minimalistic about coming up here. And in that simplicity, you can see something amazingly complex.

Ahhh, sorry, I tend to wax poetic about the cosmos. People who have known me for awhile know that I have always been fascinated with outer space.

But it isn't just the stars and planets, or anything else that you can see in the sky, but it's the environment. The hills, the trees, the fern, everything. The way the dew clings to the blades of grass, or how your breath makes little curly cue clouds of smoke early in the morning, the frost that has already begun to form on the windows...all these things are things that I miss when I am back in the city. At first, I thought I would be fine with out these things, that I would be content with the quiet sounds of the country being replaced with the busy sounds of people and car alarms. It makes me feel as if I am fickle; so easily it seems for me to change my mind about something. But I think that, perhaps, my previous viewpoint was based on a lack of experience with much of the outside world, as horribly sheltered as that sounds.

But back to my previous point (and I do apologize, I tend to ramble quite a bit) I truly miss being here, and I think much of that has influenced my decision to try to get into UC Santa Cruz...well, it's either that or Humboldt.  But it's going to be somewhere in the forest, of that I'm sure. So much of myself has changed, or I suppose my own view of myself has changed. I think that for awhile, I saw myself as a different type of person, and lately I've had to realize that I'm very different than how I thought I was...if that sentence makes any sense. I suppose a part of me lamented over the fact my life is so drastically different than how I thought it would be when I was a child. Though I have to wonder; maybe that isn't so bad? Was the life I thought I wanted really all that wonderful?

Heh, I guess you should just ignore this blog, it was mostly me killing time and over thinking the night sky and my backyard.

Damn English students ^_^