I hate feeling lonely. I think it's a ridiculous notion most of the time. I get irritated with people who can't seem to be able to keep themselves entertained. Maybe it's the product of growing up as the only child in a household full of adults. Looking back, I suppose I did have a rather lonely childhood, but it never really bothered me.
Lately, it's something that I've felt rather keenly, and that disturbs me. It's so easy for me to slip into the mindset that I'm pretty worthless and that no one would care if I were to disappear one day.
And god, that sounds so self-pitying.
Another attribute I dislike to a great degree.
I can't even figure out why I'm so depressed right now. The day started out very well for me, even my meeting with my math teacher went well. I'm trying to get out of this mood, but nothing's working. I just want to go home and cry and do nothing else for the rest of the day. But that would be horribly unproductive.
I'm terrified I'm broken. I'm afraid that nothing I do will ever make me happy, and I want to be happy. I seem to constantly need a distraction from myself. If I spend too much time with myself, I drive myself spare. Maybe I hate my own company? Or maybe I'm just sick of it, after subjecting myself to it for so long.
Oh well, I suppose it matters very little. And I'll probably be over this mood in a few hours or so.
I need to find something to keep me occupied.
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